The Playground

The saying is "you can't go home again" but have you ever noticed in every love story the main character always wants to go back home? I have officially lived in my current place longer than I did in my "hometown" growing up. So, does that mean I'm not really from there anymore? But "I'm not really from here either according to the city "OGs" and that I will always be an implant? I've moved from town to town a few times, but I never left my state. Never too far from home but just far enough.

Where is home really? Growing up, I dreamed of being an explorer! (to my family and friends who may be laughing as they are reading this, yes, I could have been the inspiration to Dora the Explorer 80's style, I didn't need a map!) You laugh; I own this.

Discovering new things and places on every street, every nook and cranny I could find! I would live a life of adventure and travel. Those hometown streets that I used to roam day and night. The side roads under the streetlights, always going just a little further each time. I used to dream of seeing the world. There is so much out there.

Sometimes I think I have a gypsy heart and an old soul. Other times, I'm lost in the virtual reality of automatic movements and robotic emotions of life by staying in one place. I have learned to stifle my inner child. I keep her in the corner and very rarely do I let her speak. All she wants to do is play. I have responsibilities and I don't have time to parent her.

Well, I did just that yesterday. She has been very persistant lately, so I took her to her favorite place. I went on an adventure yesterday and where did it take me, but home again.

See, I spent time with some of my extended family yesterday and had a wonderful time. Memories to store away for another day when my heart calls out. We spent an evening sharing our mutual interest and love for writing and sharing of ideas with others. Memories that waited a long time to be made. Like the universe said, "this is the time to make it count." I wouldn't have wanted to spend my day any other way.

Human connection is a beautiful thing and feels nice.

But then I think of all the times human connection was not readily available to me at times throughout my life. And before you say, "what about my family and friends?" Yes, they have been there for me in all the ways we humans are expected to be, but it isn't their burden to fill the void of my soul during the dark times when I couldn't love myself. That was something I had to do for me.

Where better to find love for myself than outside in nature? This is where I always felt my happiest growing up. I was safe out there in the wild. The one place I always felt drawn to is the playground. Doesn't matter in what park or town. I still love the playground.

But the playground can't be fun if other kids weren't around because it all took a friend to enjoy it. The fence we would climb over that kept unwanted strangers out. (See the irony there?) All the neighboring kids would meet there and not a grown up to be found for miles. (Or so we thought! Remember that time when I said, there is always someone watching? Oh, what fools we were! Parents were watching us everywhere; they were just in the shadows letting us be kids.

We had concrete circle slabs to crawl in and out of. Metal slides and monkey bars that burned the flesh and we'd go back for more. The dangers of the swings when we jump off and climbing in the pavilion rafters! The teeter tots and the circle of death! Nothing could stop us! These were good times indeed!

But I had a secret. I didn't need anyone else to have fun. I had nature. I had the trees to talk to and to tell my dreams. I had the flowers and grass to lay my worries upon. I had the birds, bunnies and butterflies to give my fears to so that they would fly away. The clouds and the sky watched over me. I pretend to be someone discovering each of these things for the first time. It was a safe place to be authentically me. The playground was home, even if it was only temporary.

Today, I did go home again, and it comforted my soul. I spent time with people I love, in a town that was good to me through all those versions of me. And while it will never be the home I knew, it will always have a part of me.

The playground doesn't look the same today, but it still feels the same. My inner child is happy that she got to run and play and this time, she got to share her secret with a friend.

Thanks, J, for understanding it. I hope your inner child had fun too. Love you nephew.

As I drove back to my home for the night it occurs to me that Home can be more than one place. It seems that home is wherever our heart is. Let your inner child go home again.

Love, light and playgrounds,

inRhymes.com

"The Playground" can be found in the "Solitary Truths" Collection