The Last Word

Attorney: Thank you for your attendance here today. Yesterday we said good-bye to 'every version of her' after losing her final battle in the war that killed her will to live.

She died silently while cashing in pieces of her soul to become the Nightmare in Red.

May her old soul rest in peace; with this "Last Will & Testament" as written by T.McB. '72-'24

The recording plays:

I feel I was viewed as an example of strength and support to others; and for that I am humbled. I can only pray you knew how much I needed you too. My silent pillars of Hope and Faith when I walked through the darkness in silence, alone. I know you would have tried to save me if I had I only used my words. It wasn't your storm to stand in, it was mine.

Dear family, friends, loved ones of past and present. Thank you for being here for my final farewell, as "I always did have to have the last word;" only because I knew I wasn't being heard. All busy with work, or families, living the very same rituals of life. I didn't want to be a burden to an unhealed version of you by sharing my secrets and telling a truth that paralyzed and caged me. A by-product of my situation. a side of denial, and trauma emerged.

I acknowledge the cool side of me that people were afraid to approach. I didn't give any F's' and did as I pleased. Molded by experiences of things that never should have been. My bitchy side of me that kept me protected and people I loved at arms length.

The wounded girl inside that gave me the strength to persevere, I hold her hand now. I have tamed my inner badass. Don't be fooled, parts of me may have been laid to rest, but She's not dead, only in remission. Consider this your warning should you get to close.

Turns out I had silenced my own voice until I turned the mirror inward.

I have finally learned to tame the darkness that lives inside me.

It is in death I found my truth in the true meaning of love and life's purpose.

I was always revered in a way I never understood, because my imposter monster would scream I wasn't good enough for you. My love would feel like jagged shards of glass, spit like porcupine quills; and it hurt when I loved you. I knew cause it hurt me too. Nobody hears the words left unsaid, just beneath the surface, when a smile is a thousand unheard words in the chaos that surrounds us in this human experience.

So here's the truth of the story.

I was forced into a trial for my life. By powers larger than me, almost as if navigated by a force unseen. Guilty until proven innocent. A trial of my soul to confirm if I'm doing my time right and confirm I am worthy of this life. It was time to pay up, a karmic debt that was owed. And this is where the story turned living the dream into a nightmare in red. A story wrapped in love and anger, two emotions that burn from both ends of the flame when standing in the fire.

My soul entered a not-guilty plea but was punished and found guilty for the loss of my mind and collapse of my body. Put on probation and mandated therapy, pushed through a system that didn't even see me. A traumatic event of a karmic design. One meant to happen at this moment in time. Truth be told, I wasn't guilty of the charges but I see how implications tell a different story. One I'm not sure I will ever share. It dies and is buried right here, with me. RIP.

I paid the price with life as I knew it and now here I am with all of you.

Let's celebrate the life, death and rebirth of She who has written this story.

I finally give credit where credit is due. I applaud everything earned and worked hard for; no privilege here, just scars to show off. I have tamed she that always had to be right in having the last word.

In life and death, I leave you with these last words that I learned on the journey.

This isn't the end, but just the beginning!

Love is the key to any door

The secret to a fulfilling life is love

and that is nothing but the truth

May the truth set me free

and that Love always wins

I will do great things knowing I'm worthy of a love like yours.

Until next time,

TMcB and all her personalities

Nighmare in Red

inRhymes.com

"Last Will & Testament" can be found in "Pieces of My Heart" Collection