Pause the Memories

In the words of John Cage - Let us all take a moment. - Ally McBeal '97-'02

This is your author here. It feels like I haven't been here for a minute, but life has been busy. Things on the calendar of time that needed to be handled, and then other unforeseen things came up and about that I didn't see coming. Time flew past and the next thing I knew, I was alone at the end of the day with an over stimulated body and a sizzled brain.

I know we were in the middle of story time, but there comes a time when we should slow down and take a break to check in with ourselves; to make sure we are present in life’s moments before us and not dismissive of cues and signs around us.

Our bodies will find ways to make us listen to these cues and will force us to take unexpected pauses if we don't, so we can really allow ourselves to process experiences. This is checking in on our own authenticity in any interaction.

What is your body telling you? Are you listening and will you do something to help it?

My body is screaming, so I know it is time to reflect back and see if I am giving my best to those around me. Did I give the best version of myself in every interaction? Was I authentic in my response? Was I intentional or merely responsive?

Let me pause and replay the moments, was I fully engaged? Did I give every person my best? As I pause to rewind memories of the last few days, I must ask myself these questions.

I can't press stop on life itself because that would mean life is over and believe me when I say, I am just getting started! So, this is where I will press pause and only stop the things that no longer serve my soul's purpose.

Stop the pain now so that I can replay only the happiest of memories when I need them the most. Let those pieces fall where they may.

I can honestly say in self-reflection, I did give the best of me in every situation. You see, there were things that disrupted my body’s poise and control and kicked in some trauma responses to situations; and I allowed myself to spiral into old versions of myself. Versions that I have spent years trying to correct.

This is where I need to forgive. Forgive myself for not always being the best version of myself in any given moment. I can only be Peace, Love, and Light until my personal boundaries are crossed, my family has been messed with, or karma kicks me in the ass.

Cross me and I promise you will meet a version of me that scares even me. I kid you not.

When I speak of this version, I image it as something like coming face to face with a momma bear on cocaine and standing near her cubs meets "The Bride". - Kill Bill, Quentin Tarantino. I'm not sure if this is descriptive enough but I'm sure you get the idea.

In looking back upon these interactions, my body reminds me that I was put into situations which have now caused a break in trust. Situations that went against my personal self and pushed boundaries and loyalty. Things that caused reactions in my perception and perspective, the living of these experienced moments have now altered my reality and whatever anyone else thinks of it are none of my business.

I forgive myself and I will forgive the ignorance of others. I will pray for their personal introspection of how their actions also cause reactions. I walk away from all things that make me uncomfortable, all things that trigger responses I should contain in any challenge meant to serve my highest good. I will not apologize for standing up against things that go against my moral compass.

I ask for forgiveness in my weakest moments and give forgiveness in return for the good of the collective. May I cleanse my energy of those that bring me hurt as a lesson or a blessing. Angels, if I missed the message, please allow me to try again.

Until then.

Love, Light and Forgiveness

"Forgiveness" can be found in the "Eternal Ties" Collection