One Song Less

My secret is out. The alter-ego that lives in my head is 'Nightmare in Red'.

This is she that most people don't know. The dreamer, the lover, the believer! She is the passionate fire and impulsive desires that burn inside me. The person I was born to be before the rules and restrictions life burdened me with. She is the controlled chaos that loves from within. She is my weakness that lives in the dark. She is part of the song that creates only half of me.

There is this other side of me which I believe is the one better known to the world. Stern in her face and harsh in her tone. The one with quick wit and can cut with her tongue. Words are her weapon, and she gets shit done. Her face says she's a bitch and can leave a room feeling cold. She will press stop before the song even comes on. If you try to compromise her place in this world, she will set fire and watch an MF'in' bridge burn.

Let me introduce the Aquarian side of me. She has high expectations of herself and of others. If she is expected to give her best to you then she respectfully expects the same in return. She is cool and aloof and often misunderstood. People fear the person her life's experiences have molded her into being. She can make a person uncomfortable and threatened just with her presence.

The one who has never been afraid to walk away when something is done. People might think that makes me a quitter, but believe you me, if I was a quitter, I would have lived out my life by now. I'm a drinker, a fighter, a hell raiser! I am vulgar and mean. I'm a rebel in my skin and answer to no one but me.

 I have little patience with things that don't feel good and if I'm to be truthful, it feels great to let go. I am the version that defies the rules of society. The one behind walls that have been built in defense against the debris of each storm life has tried to defeat me with.

I'm hardened by life, that is true; but I fear that I am softening with time and being torn in two. It seems as though this half of me is tired of fighting a war I just can't win. Maybe I haven't been doing life right, zipping up my suit of armor to fight every battle and challenge sent my way. It is the way I was taught if I wanted to survive. I am the side that puts the fire out so that I can sleep at night.

I walked away from a building of broken dreams and crossed the bridges of lessons learned in the hope of finding the rainbow to a brighter reality. I'm trusting myself to not fall apart, for that is when she brings the chaos. I believe the universe has another plan for me. Where is the balance between reality and the dream?

Everyday life is full of decisions and some of them hurt. There are chances to take and choices to make until there isn't a song left to be played on the radio or until the story ends, whichever comes first.

May it not become a story of regret that leaves my heart songless.

Love, Light and Regrets

inRhymes.com

"Songless" can be found in the "Life's Vinyl" Collection