The Waiting

If my nightmare were a horror film, it would be titled The Waiting.

It would be a haunting psychological thriller with a combination of sweet freedom being stalked and hunted by a lifetime prison sentence of waiting. Stuck in a never-ending limbo, waiting for what? The next shoe to drop, for outside obstacles to remove themselves. For a lucky break?

What if it is in the waiting we find our inner power to keep going, the strength it takes to carry on when nothing seems to be in our own control. They say patience is a virtue, but I am beginning to think that is just a lie.

I have been on this journey for quite some time now and I'm still waiting for the results to reveal themselves. I have been holding on by a thread, waiting for something to give. I would like to think it is time to reap a reward and not have to take ten steps back again.

How does one decide when it's time to let go of what you've been waiting so long for. How long must one wait for the rewards from their blood, sweat, tears and sacrifices; to bring home the dream they hold in their heart? When will the waiting be over, only when they give up?

In a world of instant gratification, the waiting feels like it could smother me if I have to wait much longer. I know what I am building has a solid foundation for future me, but the me stuck here waiting is struggling with trusting in the process.

What they don't tell you is that you have to hit rock bottom to appreciate how far you have come for your own greater good. And that it is in the waiting that true transformation comes. It allows you to become ready to receive the next version of you, who may be someone entirely different than you are today or the complete opposite of who you thought you would be.

Is all this waiting a lesson in patience or is it a test of my own belief that dreams do come true and that I haven't gone crazy chasing a dream that was far more than somebody like me thinks I deserve. The struggle is real when trusting your own intuition; trying to find some validity in the reason you did it all for.

They say it's not about the destination; it's about the journey. I am thankful for the blessings that have already made their way to me, and I will continue to have faith a breakthrough is on its way. I'm ready to stop waiting and start living the life dreams are made of.

Or is it in the waiting that the reward itself will be even more than I could have hoped for? I guess I will know when the time is right and my stars finally align. I do know it will have been a long time coming, and I do believe with all my heart that in the end, the wait will have been worth it.

Finally coming home to the place I belong, back to my soul.

Until next time,

TMcB